Welcome To My Hell

No matter how intelligent a person may sound. You should never leave anything they say unquestioned. I just saw this amazing rant from a 30 something year old man who has clearly come to the self realized understanding that a thesaurus and free time are all a person needs to be convincing. Well Sir, your grandiloquent bombasticism and incogitant tautologies are pedantic and trite. See? I can play that game too, and I didn’t even have to look those words up.

I’ve seen this buzz around the internet of people worried about the safety of the LHC in Switzerland. People from all directions spouting their mouths off about something they know nothing about. I’ll say that again. …That they know nothing about. One person pipes up and said that a microscopic blackhole could end the world, one guy with a an unapplied physics degree agrees with him, and before you know it, everyone is freaking the hell out. Not once does anyone consider that such a thing could not exist for longer than a billion billionth’s of a second — if that. I learned that just now.

The LHC is expected to begin operations this summer. It will collide proton beams at levels of energy never before produced in a particle accelerator.

This right here is every idiot’s principle argument. “You said we’d never done anything like this before! How do you know what’s going to happen?!”

Ladies and Gentlemen, Physics Professor Steve Giddings:

The Giddings/Mangano study concludes that such microscopic black holes would be harmless. In fact, he added, nature is continuously creating LHC-like collisions when much higher-energy cosmic rays collide with the Earth’s atmosphere, with the Sun, and with other objects such as white dwarfs and neutron stars. If such collisions posed a danger, the consequences for Earth or these astronomical objects would have become evident already, Giddings said.

See?! Just because humans haven’t done it on Earth, doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened every nano second of everyday as it has been for the last 4.5 billion years since our solar system formed.

Just because we haven’t observed it, doesn’t mean we can’t prove its existence with mathematics. — Dark matter anyone?

Now I don’t claim to know much about physics past a college level. But I do know how to research something. I do know that when 99.9% of the scientific community, and 100% of the people involved in the LHC say there is no danger, there probably isn’t. And I know damn well that I’m not going to listen to the American public and their superstitious ideas of a particle accelerator ending the world.

“What the American public doesn’t know is exactly what makes them the American public.”

You’re all moths. Fly into the light of bigotry and ignorance while the rest of us evolve and learn to fly without it. And hey, while you’re at it, why don’t you find a bug zapper and do the planet a favor by excising yourself from it.

Ok, so my coworker Ed has a theory about the concert at Usana tonight. And it’s actually quite sound.

On what level could 311 and Snoop Dogg possibly meet? Well, you guessed it. Marijuana. One can imagine the demograph of people that will be attending this concert. And then once they’re rounded up, what’s to stop the police from turning Usana into a checkpoint after the show?

Maybe this is where the tax money for the “War on Drugs” is going. Pay off the bands, who indirectly pay off the dealers. Several hundred citations issues. Everyone wins.

At the very least there will be several officers waiting to follow people home, naturally. But I think it would be hilarious to see everyone stumble out the parking lot to find scores of police cruisers. Everyone getting a quick pupil dilation check before they can get into their cars.

Arrogant asshole.

If there were two words grouped together that I’ve heard used to describe me on more then one occasion. Those would be it.

Now, I have never full out denied this description. But at the same time, the term has always seemed a bit harsh. Always seeming to come exclusively from people I generally didn’t not take seriously. Or whom I had a low opinion of.

It is true that I am in fact quite prideful. Tis also true that my effronteries can at times be more excessive then most. I completely agree that I take more then my share of likely misplaced self righteousness. However, I am not the worst. I firmly believe I am far from it.

There are probably only three people to whom I will give full credit to anything that leaves their mouth’s. And I’ve come to find out that one of them thinks of me as an “arrogant asshole”.

I know with certainty that this viewpoint was influence by several months worth of shit-talking on their counterpart’s behalf. After all, it’s been about a six months since I’ve seen this person. So how does their opinion of me change from one extreme to the other without the prodding of a friend who doesn’t care for me?

I am arrogant. I’m smart. I’m right more then most. And no matter what you could possibly tell me, I know this to be true.
However, I am also respectful. I won’t even breathe without first considering the rammifications to others. I am polite. I’m the guy that your grandparents wish you were. Oh, you know someone like that, do you? You see the difference is, is that I’m not faking it to make a good impression. That’s all me.

Sometimes I wish I could see myself through others’ eyes, so I could see exactly what I do that they don’t like. The people who tell me what kind of person I am do only that. Tell me. They are more then willing to tell me how horrible I am. But never why, or what.

Ask some of those who know me best how well I pick up on hints. I don’t get hints. I don’t get obvious hints. In fact, if it’s any less clear then “Hey Jeffrey! I like you!” then I’m not going to get it. I was once hit on for months and I had no clue until I was flat out told.

*sigh*

My opinions from the vantage point of near anyone else would seem presumptuous. Well — not seem presumptuous. They are presumptuous. However, I stand resolute that a lifetime of reticence and having sacrificed childhood friendships and any measure of a social life through grade school has endowed me with the rare gift of being able to gauge the nature and impressionable aspects of a person without ever having to speak with them.

Open your eyes. Watch.

Now do it for 22 years. Then call me arrogant.

Oh my hell. This week has been a blast.

All at once my acid strung roommate is freaking right the hell out. I’ve never actually been able to see so closely what long term drug use can do.

He sent me this text message earlier. It’s fucking priceless. *ahem* And I quote.

[My attorney will] especially like the one about you dealing drugs in west jordan and the felon with illegal sonic weapons. We all know you have been using them and hurting those around you and I have plenty of people that would testify to that under oath. i’m sure with your record that would be considered terrorism making you a convicted hacker and now a terrorist. If you go any farther i’ll also tell a few other agencies that would love to know about your weapon and hacking. thank god that the patriot act protects us from evil people such as you.

Forgive that I didn’t correct the speller or grammar. — Or punctuation. — Or capitalization. Just wanted the sheer genius of this man to shine through.

Never sold drugs. The ’sonic weapon’ he speaks of is a device I once loaned to MythBusters that was used during their ‘Brown Note’ episode. It makes an ultrasponic sound at 120dB. And uh. Hacker? I pride myself in my computer prowess. But come on.

But my personal favorite was the part where he wrote “We all know you have been using them and hurting those around you”

– Uh buddy? We’re the only ones in the house. And I have yet to see you have a friend over. *raised eyebrow*

Heh. So I’m downtown a few hours ago on my way home from an art exhibit. I’ve got mah Backstreet Boys song playing and I am just rockstaring it up. I’m at a red light when I realize that to my left are four girls my age in a BMW just watching me.

“Ooohh. So busted.” I said aloud.

They were awesome about it though. They told me to keep singing, at which point things to only get better so I did. They cheered me on. T’was hilarious.

Stayed after work for four extra hours until 9:00 PM last night finishing up a macro I was writing.

I should totally paid for the fact that I’ve the process of printing certificates at the end of the day at least 60% easier.

In any case — totally worth it.

I came across on interesting challenge written in a MySpace bulletin. We’ve all seen those dumb surveys with questions clearly written by people who think the universe revolves around them and their experiences, but this one was interesting. The goal is to pick 3 members of the opposite sex, and pick four songs. The first two are songs that reminds you of them. The second two explaining how you feel about said person. — Seemed easier then hell until the indecision set in. And also that you had to pick more then one song made it difficult.

Person Number 1:
1a) Above & Beyond – Home
1b) Mat Kearney – Breathe In Breathe Out
2a) Backstreet Boys – I Want It That Way (Oh yeah. Boy band. Wanna know a secret? I can sing this song better then anyone you know. Lol.)

Person Number 2:
1a) Alanis Morissette – Uninvited
2a) Beatles – I’ve Just Seen a Face (Particularly the Jim Sturgess cover from Across the Universe.)
2b) Nelly Furtado – All good things (This song also strongly reminds me of the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. Not sure why.)

Person Number 3:
1a) Stephen Lynch – Nazi (Lol. Seriously.)
2a) Apoptygma Berzerk – Until The End Of The World (A club song. How fitting.)
2b) Maroon 5 – She Will Be Loved

No names. Just wanted to see if I could do it. I failed. Try it. It’s hard. ;)

I am totally missing the protest today for this class. Didn’t even think about that.

I think I can honestly say that I haven’t been this depressed in a year.

That last visit to the dentist’s office completely floored me. If I had to guess, I think it was a combination of the price tag on my new teeth and my general feeling of despair the last few weeks.

I have always been in doubt about my job and career path. I have always said that computers are what I know but people are what I love. See, I want money. I don’t feel shallow in saying it. I want alot of money. I want enough money that regardless of the purchase I make, the balance of my bank account doesn’t even cross my mind. And uh, computers are not going to be the way to get said money.

I see my dentist. Charisma so extreme, even if you had your eyes closed, you could feel when he walked into the room. He commanded respect like nothing I’ve seen before all while maintaining a friendly tone. His staff clearly liked and respected him.

I — I don’t know.

I’m aware that if I get like this every time I meet someone who is staggeringly my superior I’m not going to be very happy — but my hell.

I suppose I should be proud of myself for being twenty two and already being above the poverty line for an average sized family in Utah. I suppose that’s a pretty cool badge to privately enjoy.

But I worry about the reason I am proud of this fact. I learned what a bill was by age four. I was subjected to the stresses that debt and money put on my mother all through my childhood — if you could even call it a childhood. I empathized with my mother to a clearly unhealthy extent. I came to learn very quickly that money would be a powerful force in my future. I don’t feel that was right. I should not have been worrying about my mothers financial situation at such a young age.

I’m sporadic, drugged, and in pain. So I’ll stop in a second. I just don’t like living in a world where the success of a person is measured on paper in the form of money, diplomas, certifications, and degrees. Rather then the quality of his character and his willingness to work for what he wants.

Second thought. I am lacking greatly in the willingness to work department. To date, only martial arts and cars have ever motivated me beyond standing up. I actively go out and work very hard for these things. Imagine if I had felt the same way about school 10 years ago.

I need to go back to school. Perhaps with my own money on the line I will fight through the work. But even then… What do I go back to school to study?

I could be killed for this. But damn this was rather enlightening.

Got some time? Kill it judging liars. Or if you’re not into judging people. Think of it as a reality TV show where someone gets busted in an embarrassing act.

Most moral absolutists are only that way until it becomes inconvenient. Naturally their reasons for going against their “beliefs” is the one true to God exception.

Come on. I can at least commit to my hatred of some people.

Don’t tell my Right-to-Life group I had an abortion, okay?

Right here bishes.

With some help from Rainmeter, Photoshop, and later WindowBlinds. I’ve so far fashioned this:

I don’t normally show people my desktop. But damnit, I worked hard on this.

Wallpaper here, upon request.

Utah Chaetarthrian Water Scavenger Beetle.

Nearly stepped on him getting out of my car. How a beetle that no doubt came from Decker Lake wound up in the middle of the parking lot in the warehouse district of West Valley, I have no idea.

Anyway, I come to find it is critically endangered. So rather then breaking the law, I let it go after I identified it.

Beautiful insect.

Don’t let the picture fool you. It was a big sucker. About 2 inches. Biggest beetle I’ve ever seen in Utah.