Archive for October, 2007

Serenity.

On October - 30 - 2007

The sobriety that I always have after sleep feels good. I am finally back in a rational and realistic state of mind.

Heh. Normally being so enamored, it would have taken me weeks to snap back. Thankfully that wasn’t the case this time.

A friend of mine called me ascetic. I would just like to say that is not the case. I know was true asceticism looks like. And it isn’t me. I’m just not going to let my time and thoughts be occupied by the hopes the improbable and unstable idea of such a fine person.

It’s all biology. You see, when infatuated we experience a surge of dopamine that causes us to feel good. Phenylethalimine creates a feeling of bliss. And then everyone’s favorite: oxytocin. A primary sexual arousal hormone that signals orgasm and feelings of emotional attachment. Together these chemicals sometimes override the brain activity that controls logic and reason.

See? It doesn’t get any more simple. Ecce signum.

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Amour-propre

On October - 25 - 2007

I’m in one of those moods where I am staring bullets at everyone who is smiling.

Between my recent phone call, seeing Aubrey, and a few other choice happenings this week I am extremely pissed. I know full well that I have no reason to be. In all actuality I don’t feel pissed. But I am going to be very angry anyway just to shake things up. (This is how occcupied I am after work.)

Along those lines. One of my students even asked me if I would be interested in going on a blind date with with someone they knew and the first words out of my mouth were: “I don’t know, I have pretty high standards.” I almost got the impression that they thought I was being rude. Well…I was. Not so much rude as I was being to the point and avoiding the bullshit. The socioligical institution of the ‘blind date’ would not be in place unless the friend was either one of the three different types of crazy I’ve learned about, stupid, or not that attractive.

Even desperation of the nth degree and crippling loneliness have not made me feel any different about my own self esteem, moderated arrogance, dignity.

Undeserved sense of pride? Obstinance? Call it what you will.

So like all 21 year olds on Friday night after a long week, I am sitting at home in the dark by myself. However, I’ve had about enough of feeling sorry for myself and decided to go out. Once I got into my car I was dispirited knowing that no matter how much I wanted to go out and do something, I in all actuallity had no where to go, and I had exhausted my cell phone contact list.

I wound up at the West Jordan park after a short drive with the intent to work on my tricks. I was slightly worried as my knee injury was just barely starting to hurt up and stop hurting. To justify myself, I think “Just a couple butterfly kicks tonight, and then you’re done.”

I got out of my car, took all the shit out of my pockets, took my glasses off, and started to stretch while a few kid on the playground were looking at me wondering what the hell I was doing. (I do enjoy the part where they see me and go “Oh! That’s what he’s doing! That’s awesome.”

I’m all stretched out. Got my favorite tie on. (I leave it on for the effect of a guy in collar shirt and tie doing aerials. C’mon, now that’s funny.)

Slow jog. Step behind myself. Turn. Dip. Jump. Kick

NAILED IT!

Chronic OCD suffers will never know the perfection that was this b kick. Legs straight as an arrow, toes pointed. It was beautiful.

So I try another one. Nailed it again.

At this point I am euphoric. I have to stop and take a few seconds to actually process the fact that I AM getting better. Despite all doubt and improbability, I am getting better.

The bliss clouds my mind for a good 20 minutes when I accidentally hyperextend my right leg again.

So much for my two kick maximum. And now I’ll be out for another two weeks. Minimum. (Note to self: You see that Jeffrey? No tricks. No bullshit. Two weeks. You’re only making it take longer to heal. Control yourself!)

Despite the shooting pain going up my leg right now, a horrible day at work, nothing to do, no one to see, at home on a Friday night. I am just to thrilled with myself to care.

There are few things in this world that feel better then actually seeing something you’ve invested time into come into fruitation. And even if there is better, then is nothing that feels quite like it. It’s unique in it’s own right. When was the last time you’ve had that enrapturing realization?

Take up a new hobby. You’ll thank me for it.

Circus Animal Cookies

On October - 16 - 2007

Holy hell! How come I was not informed of the existance of the these things? I’ve already eaten most of the bag and I’ve been awake about an hour.

I maded a picture. :P

On October - 13 - 2007

Misspelling intentional. It was supposed to sound juvenile and cute. — How’d I do?

Observe:

I have a darker version too for those who are like me and are usually in the dark. I personally think it looks better. I’ll be happy to give out the original 1280 x 1024 resolution image if anyone wants it.

I’m kidding. I’m not better then you. Just better then you at Web Development… Maybe… Probably… Possibly… Feasibly… *sigh* I hate you.

Alright. I’ve had my moment of conceit. Thanks for bearing with me.

Anyway, I spent a portion of this week writing a bunch of CSS for my MySpace profile. I grew quite tired of the my old one, and I also wanted at the same time to make a statement to those who have profiles wrought with clashing colors, annoying graphics, detestible DHTML effects, and music that scares the hell out of you when you load up their profile.

Many of you are guilty of this crime against internet aesthetics. Sometimes it is a crime of ignorance. More often a crime of excess and bombasticism. (Oh man, that word usage was ironic and hilarious as hell.)

But even after all that, I’m still on MySpace even though I hate why it exists.

“Oh man. I had a weekend.”

On October - 7 - 2007

You ever have one of those weekends where you can’t really say anything about it except “I had a weekend…”?

Yeah. Saturday night it was my intent to stay inside. My friend Ed called me up though to invite me to the club. The keep it short. I got drunk. Some bitch stole my tie and nearly ruined it. I’m pretty sure it was down her pants at one point. And once I sobered up I put the pieces together and realized I was being played like a fiddle.

And then after that, I was stood up by a friend of mine after waiting several hours for her to get off work. No call. No text. Just a mean case of blue balls and a headache.

Fuck yeah.

There is alot more I could say but…Jesus. I’m done. I’m actually looking forward to work tomorrow. I’m burnt.

F’ing finally!

On October - 5 - 2007

The Game of Mistakes

On October - 5 - 2007

Bracket racing has been called “The Game of Mistakes”. The driver that makes the least number of mistakes wins. If you have miscalculated your dial-in and your oppenent hasn’t, you’ve already lost. A bad leave will trailer you. A slight delay in your reaction time, as little as .001 second, can lose a race. You will be constantly faced with critical decisions and if you make a wrong one at the wrong time, you will lose, simple as that, no second chances. There is often little time to ponder what your decision will be and the pressure to make the right one is intense. And, the pure intensity of the starting line makes concentration difficult.

You back into the water box, and move forward slightly out of the water. You stab the line-lock that sets and locks the front brakes and releases the back brakes. This allows the slicks to spin violently, creating heat from friction and causes oils in the slicks to come to the surface, making them tacky. Line-lock set, you press the accelerator pedal and engine rpm begins to mount as the slicks begin spinning. The open exhaust becomes a roar, your car begins bouncing slightly, and a slight haze of tire smoke builds from your spinning slicks. Your competitior does the same.

The sound of the burnout, the smell of hot oil, mixed with the acrid smell of tire smoke, and the strangly sweet smell of racing gas fumes overloads the senses. Spectators and crewmen near the starting line, lean away from the ever increasing noise, wincing, with fingers in their ears. Your opponent, rear tires spinning, engine roaring, front wheels locked becomes engulfed in a immense cloud of tire smoke that drifts over the starting line. The front brakes are locked, front wheels unmoving, yet the violently spinning slicks pushes the car forward. The front tires dig into the track, trying to hold back the power, but they skid forward, overcome by the mounting horsepower. The car violently leaves the waterbox as the front brakes are released. It springs forward like an uncaged animal and leaps toward the starting line, literally shaking like an excited racehorse. Waves of engine heat and tire smoke swirl around the starting line like a dragons breath.

You have trouble imagining how the fragile human being inside your opponents car can control all the raw power that will soon be released. The driver, tied down by a spider web of straps is dehumanized by the crash helmet and the darkened crash helmet visor. Without a face, the driver seems like an android; robotic, stiff and inhuman, part of a powerful machine, merged into it. Deep down, this is truly frightening at some instinctual level and that squeezes the adrenal gland.

You both move toward the starting line to stage. You check temperature, oil pressure, look at the E.T. posted on the electronic clock at the end of the quarter mile to insure that the tower has entered it correctly. Your opponent stages. You stage carefully, bumping the car from the prestage into the staged light beams, placing the car exactly on the starting line. The blue light on top the tree glows, telling you this is an elimination round. You bring your engine rpm up. Your opponents engine revolutions begin building and it starts roaring loudly like a primeval beast. He gets against his three-step, a device that limits rpm buy allowing cylinders to misfire randomly. The noise increases. Intensity is present on the attitudes of crewmembers and spectators alike. They lean forward to watch the all important launch. The starter hits the switch, and the yellow lights start down on your side of the tree, startling bright in the darkness, spaced at .5 second intervals. Flash, Flash,Flash-NOW! You dump the brake and floor the accelerator the instant you see the last yellow flash. You’ve got both your car’s rollout time figured and your reaction time factored into the launch sequence. You never see the green light come on.

You seem to get a good light and blast down the track, leaving your opponent staged at the line, waiting for the tree to come down on his side. You can see him clearly in your rear view mirror, outlined in the bright lights that glare down on the starting line at night. You keep pulling away. You make your shift point and take another quick glance at the mirror. You see the lights coming down on his side of the tree and JEEZ, he leaves like a rocket! The car just disappears out of the lights at the starting line into the murkiness that is the rest of the track. Night racing can be a bitch. You can barely make out a shape hurling toward you in the darkness and God, is he coming fast! It’s hard to judge his distance in the darkness because he has no headlights; he’s running blacked out-perfectly legal and part of his strategy – you can’t see me, but I can see you. You have your tail lights on, because it’s required by the rules so it’s going to be hide and seek at 100+ mph. You hit your final shift point into high and try to press the throttle pedal through the floor. It’s developing into a top end duel with the finish coming up fast.

You are 100 yards from the stripe, the distance of a football field with your opponent heading into your blind spot. This is the big moment for both of you. Your opponent may judge that he can’t pass you. If so, he’ll sit in your blind spot, tap his brakes and slow slightly insuring that he will be over his dial-in. Since you can’t see him, you will keep your foot in it and go quicker then your dial-in. That’s a break-out, an automatic lose! Is he setting you up to be the victim of the classic bracket racing tactic known as “the dump?” Or maybe you should hit the brakes and try to dump him. Let him go flying past you full throttle wondering where in hell you went. Problem is, which one of you got the better leave and who is running closer to their dial-in? You could be giving the race away by dropping anchor when you shouldn’t be. Or, perhaps you are both on a double break-out run. In that case, the winner is whoever breaks out the least, no matter what else happens. Or, it could be that…

The football field seems like a lot of distance but at a speed of 100 miles per hour, you will be there in two seconds. Your faster opponent will cover this distance in even less time! You have less then two seconds to look around, determine where your opponent is, judge if he will pass you, and how you are going to react. Buddy, this is decision making under pressure! Even professional football quarterbacks have more time to make a decision. Even over the roar of your open exhausts, you can hear him coming up, like the proverbial bat out of hell…

B Kick Accompished.

On October - 5 - 2007

Yep. Landed the Butterfly kick today. After a few more tries I’ve almost got a consistant landing.

Fuck yeah. 3 months of practice. I was wondering if it was going to pay off.

I still need to get the Aerial though…

“By accepting this brick through your window, you accept it as is and agree to my disclaimer of all warranties, express or implied, as well as disclaimers of all liability, direct, indirect, consequential or incidental, that may arise from the installation of this brick into your building.”

Three weekends of rain.

On October - 3 - 2007

F’ing weak. It’s nice and sunny outside when I’m at work! But God forbid that when I have day off I can go outside without getting wet!

And now, we have another weekend of rain and the first snow of the season to cap it off.

I sit in this fucking chair every night and study while listening to movies. Day after day after day. The monotony of my life outside of work has almost driven to do go outside and whip rocks at cars just to shake things up.

Mostly I’m bitter because my only plans are this Saturday. I have nothing else to do. I hate to admit that. I think it’s about time to start going through the ‘bored’ list.

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A letter from the Sith Lord:

On October - 1 - 2007

While I commend the empire for completeing this powerful space station, I was troubled to read about the installation of an exhaust port leading “directly to it’s hyper-sensitive power core.” I was further disturbed to hear this opening described as “torpedo-sized.”