Welcome To My Hell

The last few weeks, whenever I get upset, I go to the park and attempt Aerials and B Kicks until I can’t see straight.

Exercise when upset = Bad. It’s almost like I’ve be obsessively exercising.

On the plus though, I’m eating a box of chocolate chip cookies like there is no tomorrow� and I’m thrilled to death about it. Would that constitute binging?

The only think missing from this witch’s brew is a� pinch of� low self esteem and poor self image. Fortunately for me however, is� I think I’m hot shit. So no worries. :P

If I was sick as hell before, then right now I must be sick as fuck!

I am so glad it’s Friday. If I felt like this on a Monday I would tear up. I have this awesome virus that feels like the perfect 50/50 balance between strep, and the flu.

Coughing until I can’t speak, vomitting every two hours, and my head hurts so bad I contemplating utilizing a� guillotine to render the pain seperate from my body.

Not being able to speak while teaching HTML is not exactly easy. It’s so difficult speaking, I wouldn’t be surprised if it actually affects my evaluation.

I got my letter from Mars today.�

See, whenever I get a package of plain m&m’s, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold m&m duels.

Taking two� m&m’s between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and green m&m’s are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue m&m’s as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one m&m, the strongest of the herd. Since it would of course make no sense to eat this one, I packed it in an envelope and sent it to m&m Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 index card� that said:� “Please use this m&m for breeding purposes.”

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain m&m’s. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

Tonights results:

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hmm...

Of course, it being a Utah Honda/Acura meet, it rained. For those of you who have been to a few of these, you know that we can’t have a car meet around here without some rain.

The turn out was phenomenal. Over 100 cars jammed into the Central Terrace as Sugarhouse park. Saw the� guy who ripped my idea off with the SiR 4th Gen Prelude. Heh.

Although the meet� was yesterday, I’m posting about it a day late. Which is a very accurate reflection of how I felt about the meet.

Even with the rain, after 2 hours of attempting to get the charcoal lit, discussion with other car enthusiasts, and one or two hilarious moments. Myself as long as many others, were getting antsy. As I drifted through the crowds, the vast majority of what I heard was to the effect of: “Where are we going to go cruise?”

See, when� you have a crowd like that, with over 120 people present, they are not going to collectively collaborate as a hive mind and hop in their cars as start driving. They need someone to stand up and go: “Hey! We’re fuckin’ going! Everyone get your shit together and lets go cruise the canyon!”

I was very keen to the fact that the last break in the rain was upon us. After my repeated suggestions to the organizer of the event that we need to cut the futile food attempt out of the schedule. The rain picked up to a pour. And the canyon cruise was cancelled.

Maybe I’m just bitter. Maybe it was all I have to look forward� to for the entire month save� the unusually prolonged — rendezvous with Heather.� I wouldn’t call it an interview. but hardly a tryst either. (What constitutes a “date” anyway?)

Anyway,� I was looking forward to a canyon run. I changed my tires, topped off my fluids, changed my oil, washed my car… All so I could go home without getting to molest my car like I was looking forward to doing.

Kinda feels like I was� jerked off for an entire week and didn’t finish when� the other party� quit on me a few seconds shy. I take it back, that’s exactly the way it feels. I’ve got the surging frustration, tics� and everything.

�

Fuck! I need to find something to occupy myself outside of work. It’s 21:00 and I’m worrying about my upcoming PHP/MySQL� class coming up next week! And I’m using military time! Ahh! I can always tell when I’m getting ready freak the hell out when I start thinking on the 24 clock.

Considering the title, we must first define the question: How sick is ‘hell’ anyway? Heh. Not that I’m going to define it, but more that I had considered my wording and decided it was lacking in description. I could have at least used a phrase like sick as a dog right?

*sigh* Yeah, I don’t know where I got this from, but I’m not happy about it. My nose is completely stuffed up, I’ve been throwing up every few hours since roughly 22:00 last night, I can barely hear my own voice, and everything is sore. Back, legs, throat. You name it. It like strep throat with a touch of the flu.

I am really not looking forward to work tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll have ceased vomitting by then. I could just imagine what a fun day that would be.

So I showered more thoroughly then I think I ever have before. I rotated my tires. I checked the pressure on each of them, Washed my car. Burned a CD full of new songs for Sunday’s cruise of the canyon.

I think later on today, (after I sleep of course) I’m going to go buy new tires all together. I’ve had the ones that are on there for almost two years. :\ It’s getting to the point where both of the back tires have a steady leak. Don’t worry, I’ve been aware of this for a while. I put more air in them every week or so and get away with it.

Also, I managed to take the interchange from I-15 North to I-215 West (Just for the visual.) at 100 MPH. That was probably the scariest thing I’ve done in a while. I think it also motivated me to get new tires.

Eh. Crisis is a bit extreme. But it’s Friday night, I’m at home, I’m way too well dressed for my age/personality, I’m drinking wine, and watching Sex and the City –� Which I admittedly voluntarily acquired because I wanted to watch it.

To cap it off, I have more physical contact from fucking around with coworkers then anything else at the moment… Man that didn’t sound right, but I’m not going to change it because I don’t know how else to� literally convey the shenanigans.

So. All I need to do now, is not be attracted to women, and look past my intense aversion to any kind of anal sex, straight or not, and I’m there. Lol.

And another thing. Do you see what happened back there? When I said literally? You’ve completely lost sight of the meaning of the word. “Literally” has been so overused as a sort of vague intensifier that it is in danger of losing its literal meaning. It should be used to distinguish between a figurative and a literal meaning of a phrase. It should not be used as a synonym for “actually” or “really.” Don’t say of someone that he “literally blew up” unless he swallowed a grenade.

That is all.

So instead, I’m hanging out at work putting foot to ass on this PHP/MySQL book. I know most of the material. It’s just all the hard coding is tedious as hell. And I don’t want to just simply graze it over as I am learning this class for myself as well.

My whole website� uses PHP/MySQL. But even then, it took me a year to put together because I didn’t understand most of the code I was using.

So this class will be awesome in the sense that I will be able to learn some of the fundamentals that I never did when i put this thing together.

*sigh*

I had three plans this months, and as of now two of them� have been cancelled on me. I don’t want to reflect on either of the people who has to cancel. But had circumstance beyond their control. I’m just saying that it sucks to have nothing to do. Especially when I’ve been counting days all week. I have so little to do these days, and even when I have a bit of luck and set aside some time to see someone, –� nothing.

Jesus. I think the only people who are going to come through for me on this one are a bunch of car buddies I barely know for the Sunday H-T/UA Cruise.

Normally I would totally agree with that quote. Right now however, I disagree. And I am experiencing both simultaneously.� I want to cry. This tricking thing is kicking my ass. Like every time I’m done practicing, I feel like I’ve been� hit by a truck,� gang raped, — and then hit again by a much larger truck. My hands are shaking so hard it’s almost impossible to type right now.� Maybe I’ve got the shaky AIDS.

I practiced a b kick tonight. (Youtube it.) Although I am getting better at this. It still hurts. Alot. — Alot. That coupled with the fact that I spent a very depressing half hour on the inside of an enclosed twisty slide at the park tonight, makes me want to… I don’t know. Do something. Like get drunk and start calling people. But oh wait! My phone only has about 5 phone numbers. Lame.

I’m going to go get gas for my car, come back and watch a movie, and try to cry myself to sleep. I say try because crying is extremely difficult for me. But I feel like doing it.

Man, don’t you wish you were as cool as me?

…I� haven’t hurt this bad since� I was hit by that� truck and gang raped.�

You know, trying new things, new people, new sexual preferences, AND new colors.

I got a new tie today. With little stripes of blue in it. Yep. Big changes. That’s a step up from straight black for the last few years, isn’t it?

Oh, the Aerial is close. I can feel it. I’ll bet with continued practice I will have this by the end of the month.