Welcome To My Hell

Yeah, forgive my drunken posting the other night. For some odd reason I decided to focus on elementary school. *shrug*

Vann Ira Persell.

OMG I remember Vann’s Dad being this big burly ass guy back then. lol

…we are the best,
we are the Copperview Cougars,
forget all the rest,
we are the Copperview Cougars,
we’ll pass every test.
So let us stand side by side,
as we should out with pride,
let us shout out with pride for our school.
Copperview!

or something…

Oh C’mon you guys can’t tell me you don’t remember your whole elementary school songs.

Cougar Coins FTW!

And I lost my tie.

Though fun, it’s super weak.

Enjoy.

I ate a Baked Potato from Wendy’s today and it’s been fucking me up.

I thought it was just me until Vann came home and told me him and his boss had the same thing and have been sick as well.

Everyone dodge the Salt Lake City Wendy’s Baked Potato’s for a while.

Yes. Shampoo.

See I was in the shower just a second ago washing my — hair. And I noticed that they have some of the damnedest things on the side of hair product bottles. A few examples followed by a quick rant:

Pantene Pro-V -Â “35% more fullness” or “95% less frizz” and also “Gently cleanses hair for a healthy balance.”
A balance of what exactly?
And how in the hell would you scientifically measure these facts? Last I checked, ‘fullness’ and ‘frizz’ were not standardized measurements.

L’Oreal – “With Hydra-Proteins.”
First off. I’d like to say I’m ashamed of myself for bothering to spell and punctuate the brand name correctly.
Anyway. When I break down the words “Hydra” and “Protein” I can’t help but picture L’Oreal pumping bull semen into their products on the assembly line.

Garnier Fructis -Â “Active Fruit Concentrate.”
Active as in acidic? *shrug*

Suave – “With Nexxus*” or” With Redken*”
Now this one was my favorite because rather then trying to bullshit people using a seemingly meaningless concoction of made up words that the population has come to relate to hair care, they just went straight to the designer name dropping.

I’d say the only bottle of shampoo I didn’t see trying to feed me a line of bullshit was the Head and Shoulders shampoo. It just said “Dandruff shampoo.” That’s it. No distractions. No bullshit. No Volumizing-Hydrating-Fortifying-Cream-With 6.02×10^23 essential vitamins and nutrients formula. I like that.

I think all shampoo bottles should simply say something to the effect of “Hair cleaning/fragrance gel that smells like *insert herbal or fruit bearing plant here*” If they’re going to insult my intelligence, I’d rather them condescend to me rather then trying to lie to me.

Never again am I going to buy any shampoo that has the word ‘hydrating’ anywhere on the bottle.

Really quickly, allow me to put this one to rest once and for all. Hair is made up from dead skin cells. The primary component in the dead skin that makes up hair is Keratin. Keratin is a fibrous INSOLUBLE protein. As in, it doesn’t dissolve in water. Your hair needs to be hydrated about as much as your fingernails do. (Being the same and everything.) So next time your hair feels dry, rather then washing all the natural oils off of it, try not washing your hair for a day. You may be surprised.

Alright. Which one of you ‘Just Letters‘ or ‘Scratchpad‘ jackasses showed up? ;)

I got the best idea ever.

I want to buy a Coke vending machine. Ok? I want every single button on the side to be a Coke option and then at the bottom there would be one option for Pepsi. And when you press it, one of those spring loaded boxing gloves comes out and pelts your right in the balls.

C’mon. That shit’s hilarious.

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Neat little labels I’ve heard over the last few years. However, you all answer to me now. I’ve decided that any part of myself that could be labeled as ‘goth’ is completely legit. Believe it or not, I am the way I look. I honestly see myself being this way for the rest of my life.

Especially when I find myself dressing to the nines just to go buy a case of Coke…

Unfortunately not as good as the second, but it had it’s moments. And I can deal with that.

I’m on another one of my information kicks. Once every month or so, I’ll do this. My memory becomes of a contrivance. Working in a near perfect, unflinching fashion.

I feed on information. I take it all in. In mass quantities. As fast on possible. Improving my grammar and my speech; Speed reading Wikipedia; Memorizing my car’s service manual; Multitasking a seemingly ususable number of things at once.

I am eating homemade pizza. I am listening to the movie Constantine. I am singing along with a Combichrist song. I am watching the newest episode of Heroes. I learned a new word today. In fact, I learned 21 new words today. I could list them for you. I can reply to my IM’s as if I already know what the other person will say… It only took me 15 seconds to find out exactly how to get to Tamarack Rd. in Provo from here. I am giving my friend Aaron those directions over the phone at this very moment whilst updating my website. I am not missing a beat. I type with the music. I speak to the rhythm my typing. It all harmoniously melds together to form a euphoria-esque feeling that I can only describe as supreme Deja Visite.

I feel omnipotent in my capacities right now. I love doing this. It’s like the perfect drug. My favored involentary, yet habitual mode of reducing tension. (Psychology nerds? Anyone? Dynamism.) Highly preferred over motor and phonic tics.

I think someday I’ll start having seizures from this…

With just a little manipulation of the fans in my computer I was able to drop the full duty cycle temperature of my CPU from 52°C to 47°C. That a difference of about 11°F for those of you still using that ludicrous measurment.

I know to most of you that means absolutely dick, but those are impressive numbers.

I am also being subjected to the awkward company of a girl whom Vann brought home. Besides the mock fleeting moments where I think that maybe she’s an ok person. She busts out a very possesive and selfish attitude towards Vann. I don’t like it. I rarely even say anything around company but she’s provoked me enough to almost stand up and start bitching.

This is easily the scariest thing I have ever seen in my life.

I think once I got over the shock and horror of what I had just bore witness to, I would buy it and put it on my front doorstep.