I’m glad I went to the club tonight. Saw alot of old friends.
- Callie
- Ashley
- Ed
- Ciena
- Brie
- DJ
- Noel
- Devin
- Cherrise
- Jessi
Lots of em. But yeah. I bailed on buying Aubrey lunch earlier. I regret to say that I consciously didn’t show up. Felt it best to keep my distance. I would have called her. But she doesn’t believe in cell phones.
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Crash time.Â
How like my childhood. Right now I’m in training for work. We’re importing a macro file into Macro Express. So far, the stop watch is at about twenty minutes since we started. And everyone else is still hard at work on their computers, trying to figure out this deftly simple task.
…I was done in 30 seconds.
Not to sound too self righteous, but my whole life I’ve been held back by my classmates, my coworkers, even my family. And no doubt, most of all by myself. My greatest regrets were that I was never able to get into an enviroment where I would excel.
Fuck “No child left behind”. If I had it my way, everyone would be given a very thorough standardized test. If you miserably failed, you were euthanized. And based upon your score, you would be given a job and responsibilities that reflect your score. I would of course let people retake the test every few years if they liked.
Simple, effective and progressive. If you can not contribute to society, you should not be a part of it.
…A place where I can grow and reach my full capacity. Give me that. And I will do great things.
I left my webcam on at home. I can see it here at work.
Now if only I could control my USB missile launcher remotely…I think I’ll actually look into setting that up when I get home.
So I just listened to Vann verbally count up to fifteen. I think he was counting Coke cans.
I’m worried though. Because with an uncomfortable tone of certainty, he skipped thirteen and fourteen when he was counting and went straight from twelve to fifteen.
I just woke up from the first dream that I’ve been able to remember since I’ve lived here.
It was about Aubrey actually. I’m losing the dream very quickly in my head. I remember it was in the middle of a desert. Nothing in any direction. It was shortly before my birthday, and for some reason, the moon was orange. I don’t know if any of that is relevant.
Anyway, it felt like a 4 hour dream of just talking to her. I could ask her anything and I would have an untailored, truthful answer. So I asked her every question I’ve ever wanted to know, that I knew she could answer. I asked what things make her the person she is, what she thinks of herself, why she thinks that and what situations had led up to her becoming of that mentality. What she told me made more sense then I could have ever imagined. By her answering those questions, it in turn allowed me to answer many others. I could not possibly express the feeling of understanding and satisfaction that I had for a short 3 minutes after I woke up.
Though a dream. I somehow feel I’ve been invited into a sort of esoteric truth.
It all made sense. I had no questions as to why anymore. It was nice…
I get quite a kick out of these somewhat misleading and random titles.
Sorry. It was a three day weekend and I had better things to do then update my website.
Like sleep, and eat chinese food and play video games. — Mostly video games.
For Christmas I got this awesome blanket. It’s so soft. It’s like unbelievable soft. So soft it’s better then sex most sex. Fuck this. I’m going to go curl up with it right now.
…As well as yet another free gift from work…
My webcam is back up. Notice the new link on the Left Nav.
I made sure to put it in a room that I would never be naked in. If you guys only knew how many people I’ve had email me with screenshots of myself getting dressed, having sex, etc.
Anyway, you all have to appreciate it, if only just a little. You would not believe the hell I went through integrating the javascript into a php generated page. I should be getting laid for my ingenuity. Yeah. That’s right.
I have free soda where I work. I usually get Coke. Roughly 4 Cokes a day, not counting the ones I drink at home.
Alright. So in one can we have:
- 50mg of Sodium
- 39g of Carbohydrates
- 140 Calories
So simple multiplication, I get
- 200mg of Sodum, which is roughly 8% DV.
- 156g of Carbohydrates which is 52% DV
- And 560 Calories which is a little over half my 1900 Calorie diet.
I feel a little better now. Considering I cover over half of my Carbs and Calories from only the Soda I consume. (sarcasm intended.)
*Takes a drink*
Operation cease all interaction with Vann’s sisters is going swimmingly.
Especially since I hung out with Cassie all last night, went straight to sleep afterwards, and then made very sure not to run into her while I was getting ready this morning. :P
I think the real test is about 7:00 PM. Aubrey gets home around that time. I always make it a point to be doing something, or going somewhere that involves being near the door. I’m like a fucking puppy waiting for someone to come home. But puppies are cute right? I’ll bet Aubrey likes puppies…Ergo if I act like one…
Heh. Ok I’m kidding. Work time.
So I had just got back from Smith’s with bread so I could make some grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup. Which was delicious by the way. Anyway, I’m making my sammiches and Aubrey waltzes into her mother’s room asking for help with something. Whatever it was I figured she wouldn’t be in there for more then 2 mintues. 5 minutes later I started to get a weird vibe. I just had this feeling in the back of my neck that she was going to come out of that room and tell me something I didn’t want to here.
Sure enough it would seem that her mother had given her a short lecture about how her and I are being “too touchy.” and “although [Aubrey] might see it as playful wrestling, tickling, etc. He might be expecting something more.”
What can I say? Besides, her Mom is right.
Right now I’m looking at the two of them hug and kiss and giggle. I find it disgusting. So much in fact, that it makes me smile. I smile because whatever emotion I’m feeling is too overpowering to correctly express. So I go numb, and I smile. But why would I bed down a torment of feelings? Wanting something I don’t, or can’t have? Jealousy? A perceived infringment on a territory that isn’t mine? All of which are no doubt fueled by a synergy of my hormones and boredom…
Besides the obvious drama that could come of the situation. Between myself Marl, and Aubrey, the very last thing I want is to get on the bad side of Vann’s parents Fred and Tina. I live in their house. If they are concerned about my hanging around Aubrey. That’s the letter and the law and I must abide by the rules of the people who have been so generous as to give me a place to live these last few months. I don’t like it. But they are also right. I’m really not just interested in a tickle fight. In fact, things of that nature are a common gateway for me…
I think I need to stop whatever the hell it is I’m doing right now and not give into temptation on any level anymore. For everyone’s sake.
17,760 server requests from 216.152.208.1 in the last week!
I thought my website was blocked over at Teleperformance. If someone could confirm this I’d be most appreciative.
On a related matter, now that I have a new job(s) secured and because Mr. Chris Scherzer failed to forward my emails to the appropriate parties. I think a mass defamation campaign is in order. I think with a weeks time I could have at least a million people read some interesting info about them.
…Nah. :P
Yeah there’s too much free shit here. I’m not complaining. It’s just weird. When I think work I don’t think free food and drinks.
These contacts are killing me. I accidentally fell asleep with them in again last night. Luckily for me I brought Aubrey’s anti-myopic-light-converging-so-I-can-see-the-white-board device. Er…Glasses.
Watch, the one day I take them is going to be the one day Aubrey will need them.
Who here likes Stephen Lynch? Oh good. You got the joke then.Â
Blah.
It was freezing when I woke up today. Apparently the wood burning stove had run out of fuel around 5:00 AMish. It’s never pleasant to wake up to a 50 degree house.
You know what else isn’t pleasnt? Falling asleep next to someone each night and then waking up, and they’re not there. Now let me elaborate a little lest that last comment is going to sound weird as hell.
I’m not talking about like a girlfriend, or someone your fucking, or whatever have you. It doesn’t matter who it is. You fall asleep with an expectation, and when you wake up and they’re not there, it really throws you off. Because the last thing I remember was falling asleep next to them. And then, at least as far as perception is concerned, they are gone instantly.
I’m just slipping back into my bi-annual rut of being infatuated with someone I can’t have. Lol. I’ve lived through the last few. But it seems everytime I do fall into this cycle, the person I’m fixated on is far better then the last. And by all logical reasoning, they really are. So being a person of fact and science, I spend a great deal of time trying to figure out if of my emotions are genuine. In hind sight I’ve usually discovered the they usually are not. Save one or two people.
I’ll end that thought there I guess. I’ve already said too much. That fact that I’ve even admitted an infatuation embarrasses me.
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