Welcome To My Hell

To whomever sent me the gifts for Arbitrary Day:

YOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME. Best gifts I’ve probably ever received. Ever. No one has ever went to that much trouble thinking up that I might like. Especially not a stranger. 110%. Send me you’re Reddit username. I’ll give you all the Excel help you could possibly handle. :P

I’ll post pics when I get my hands on my good camera.

…needs to be locked.

Made a simple application in PHP to track my the classes I teach. Mostly for proof/resume sake.

Feel free to poke around.

Let me know if you find any bugs.

My April Fools this year consisted mostly of me telling new employees for the last few weeks just how bad and scary April Fools is here at work.

Then when the day finally came, I had all of them checking the doors, toilets, their cars, etc. and nothing ever happened. I think the psychological terrorism was far more effective than an actual prank.

Also, I telnet’ed into all the printers/copiers and changed their display messages.

…needs to be locked.

My exchanges with this girl are essentially a bad sitcom of me having terrible timing and only inviting her over when she’s busy.

But I just had this little gem go down and had to share.

Me: I’ve got some Fish Fillets, Mac and Cheese, and Corn with your name on it if you want in on some of this sweet action.
Her: Ah! Not enough notice! That sounds good though.
Me: But…But…I already put your name on it.
Her: Lol
Me: Do you know how hard it is to put someone’s name on macaroni and cheese?!
Her: I miss you. I want to see you soon.
Me: *glare* Seriously, you’re names on the macaroni.
Me: http://i.imgur.com/PC2Ay.png
Her: wth?

Obvious Photoshop, but I was able to bang it out so quickly, the shock value was still there.

Awww yeah. Good times.

A is bright Red. B is bright blue. C is a slightly darker blue with less color saturation. D is a weird one. It’s Blue and Brown at the same time. E is Green-Yellow. F is bright Yellow. G is Reddish Brown but sometimes Grey. H is White. Almost as if it were made of light. I is White but more visible, like paper. J is Whitish-Yellow. K is Purple. On rare occasion it’s Green. L is Whitish-Orange. M is Maroon. N is Dark Blue. O is Black. P is Purple-Pink. Q is Blue. R is Blue but much more prominent than Q. S is Blue-Green. T is Red. U is Greyish-Brown. V is Yellow, but very hard to see. W is Maroon. X is Yellow and difficult to see as well. Y is Greenish and hard to focus on. Z is Purple-Blue. Each of them have personalities. I know the life stories of each of them, how they relate to the others… Numbers in particular have a very tangible mood/personality. They are practically real people. 8 is buddies with 7, but only when 9 isn’t around. 9 is big and bossy. 7 doesn’t care for him. 3 and 4 are friends too. But they don’t affiliate with any other numbers. 4 hates how lazy 3 is. 6 envies 9, and loves 4. 2 is antisocial and is sometimes mean….*Ahem* Anyway, back to work.

Advice taken.

But don’t misunderstand. I’ve been teaching coming up on three years now. I think I have a fine feel for tap dancing for students. I can fake sincerity so well it’s a joke.

But that’s not what I’m talking about. I speak of some people’s simple lack of affinity for a particular subject.

I remember when I was younger I was an avid skateboarder for about four years. At the end of that four years. I couldn’t Ollie. A simple trick about 90% of the skateboarding population picked up in a week. Four years… It just wasn’t going to happen for me.

Some just don’t fit well in certain field. It’s a rare case, but it happens.

You cannot make up for a lack of talent by increasing your efforts.

Just five years ago, one had to be more than just computer literate and exceedingly patient to pirate movies. Hell, finding a single mp3 could have equated to hours upon hours of hunting. Once an FTP site was found — IF one was found, you’d have to contend with upload/download ratio’s. Poor quality. Worse download speeds. I remember quite vividly waiting 3 days to download an album once. But man… When you pulled it off; when you opened the file that wouldn’t be publicly available for another week and it started playing… *shudder*

Ah, the times they change.

We all hated Windows ME. But the cold truth is, without it, you wouldn’t have your precious XP that you all cling to like a sinking ship. Many of you hated Vista. But without the technologies and revenue generated from said OS, you would never have Windows 7.

I’ve made a wallpaper to illustrate the point.

FINALLY.

Heather: Forgive me.

I’m at RMR….slightly inebriated. (Hey what do you want? It’s Friday and I have no where do go and nothing to do.) Anyway my cohort Mr. Dale had the most excellent story to share with me today. So dale is teaching a five day CEH class. (Certified ethical hacking)
And at the end of every week he does a “hack into my computer” lab. The idea being to hack into his machine and retrieve some files. Right? So all his students go to work, but when the lab is finally over, it was discovered that one of his students took everyone for a spin.

So dale gives the go-ahead for everyone to try to steal the file on his computer. Without missing a beat, one of his students runs metasploit, creates an admin account on Dale’s machine, and sets up a remote connection… but wait. It gets better. In the mean time, he sets up a virtual machine which he has spoofed as Dale’s IP address, and then sets up a Honey Pot that even has legitimate looking files on it. So while everyone is trying hack into “Dale’s machine” this guy is downloading the original files off Dale’s actual machine. Fucking gold. It made my nipples a little firm. THIS is the guy you both want to look out for, AND you want to do you IT security work for you.

W00t. I’ll spell check tomorrow.

So I was just on my home from my buddy Vann’s and a night wrought with Diablo 2, and working on my fail Integra.

On my way home, I pass a middle school and notice that one of the sprinklers was broken. It was broken in such a fashion that it shot a huge jet of water high into the air and fell onto the side walk in front of the school in a near perfect 6′x 6′ area.

The phantom light bulb of ingenuity flares… Free car wash.

Flip a bitch. Drive back. Flip another bitch.

So I get my car up onto the sidewalk, roll up my windows, and steadily roll in.

Score.

The ego stroke while I did this was great. “I’m so clever.” “I’m the first one to ever think of this.” “I’m the sexiest man alive.” etc.

Anyway, I’m backing out of the water fountain when a police officer rolls up behind me. No lights. No spot light — Just sitting right behind me.
“Shit!” This is what I get for my resourcefulness.

I turned on my hazards to let the officer know I was aware of his presence, and I started to drive forward a little. (I couldn’t exactly roll down my window with a torrent of water hitting my car. But then he matches me and rolls up right to my bumper. Still no lights.

“What the hell?”

We do this back and forth a few times while I try to maneuver a way to get my lowered Integra off the sidewalk by going to the slanted part of the curb a few feet up. The police car is right on my tail the whole way.

Here I am. I have this wonderful idea, and now I’m going to be cited for something stupid. Great.

I get most of my car out of the falling water, step out of my car to tell them that I’ll pull up to the curb off the sidewalk.

Without skipping a beat the officer pokes his head out the window and says “Whatever. I just wanted to go next.”